Do You Really Love Your Name? If not, Change it! — How I Kickstarted A New Life With A New name; And How You Can Too!

There was a divorce, yes, (which made it so easy, — and free of charge).

A colossal shift in worldview and ideologies had been set in motion; there was no going back.

Neither my married nor my maiden last names resonated as true for me any longer. I saw no reason to keep either of them.

I considered going without a last name, but it was problematic given the ‘first and lastname’ system we have for everything administrative.

Sting, Madonna, Bono, the Edge, they can get by with it, but for me it would have been a pain to pull it off, and I didn’t want to be bothered; so I created a short list of about seven different last names that I liked.

I also wanted to give me a middle name, since I didn’t have one before.

Here I was, in my early forties, watching the reinvention of my life. I felt more like a spectator than a leading actor.

Changing my last name, and getting a brand new middle name was exciting; — at least one exciting thing to come out from the ashes of my former life. (But don’t underestimate ashes, from them springs new life).

Every last name I played around with was a version of “Rose”; from Rochelle, to Roshey, etc. — because my mother’s first name is Rose; except one: my favorite.

I wanted my name to be: Viviana Iz Ok

Even though I like the name I ended up with, I still sometimes regret not having gone through with “Viviana Iz Ok”.

A friend told me, “look, you are going to have a serious career; you don’t want to be paged as Ms. Okay”. At that time I thought he may have a point, but perhaps I just ‘chickened’ out.

I knew that, despite my family thinking that I was going to hell, and abandoning my faith in God, and the protection and care of the eternal, I knew that despite their thoughts of me going astray and bananas: I was okay, and I really liked the idea of introducing myself as “Viviana Iz Okay, nice to meet you”.

In case you didn’t know this, in this country, you can change your name to anything you fancy. If you want to, you can be “Constantinopla” in one month’s time, I promise you. Or anything else you want to be called.

Imagine how fun it would be to introduce yourself as “Constantinopla”. (If you do, be clear about what is constant in your life, in case some curious person asks).

So there I was, with a brand new life, a brand new middle and last names. (I love them both; and they both have special meaning).

The day it happened:

From the courthouse and finally signing the divorce decree, I drove to the drivers license office (or DMV), and got a new one. The next day I went to the social security office and requested a new card; it came in a week. I then changed my passport and called my bank and the few credit card companies whose cards I had. I changed my name for my school records online, in 5 minutes.

I found that it took about three years for my psyche to get it all sorted out and for my head to get it that I am Viviana Rose and not my former name, which, once in a blue moon, still pops out of my subconsciousness.

I am grateful for my both my former names because each represents a life; one that is distinct and enriching in the way that it was meant to be.

I was with someone who changed her last name this summer. No divorce was involved; she paid $277 total. A few forms were filled out, a court date was set; a fun and short court appearance, and a shiny, brand new name — that resonates with her, was received.

I know a lot of people who do not like their names; either their first or their last names, and I never understand why they don’t change them. I did not dislike my name, I just felt that the lastname was not congruent anymore with whom I was becoming. I needed a new name for my new life. I felt that my new name gave me space to evolve and discover who I would become.

Names matter. A lot is encapsulated in them; we hear them all the time.

What does your name mean? Does it match you?

I swear that I met someone this summer whose name should be “John” but it happens to be “Marc”. It was strange that my mind could not settle with “Marc” in connection to that man, his spirit, his knowledge and experiences. Not that Marc’s can’t be wonderful; they can, I am witness.

Have you also met someone whose name did not match them in your mind and heart?

One of my closest and dearest friends is going to change her name very soon. It will be a wonderful celebration.

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Copyrighted material 2017