How Couch Surfing Has Enriched My Life Beyond Words
This is a subject very close and dear to my heart. I don’t know where I would be without the couch surfing community, and neither do I often imagine it. — In many ways, they have been the family the Universe gave me when I didn’t have my own.
It all started with my friend Max from Paris who knows “everything”; you name it, Max knows it; and he is very humble too, so learning from him is easy, — and a good idea.
He and I were on the phone one day in early fall of 2013. That year had been gruesome for me in my personal life. I shall spare you the details here, but the challenges were such that they demanded that I take a different approach to life; a bolder one, a more daring one; definitely introducing more adventure and experiences of a new and different texture.
“Do you know about couch surfing?” Max asked; “no, I’ve never heard of it”; “you may want to try it”; “I will”, I said.
Not knowing much what it was, I started a profile that day. I already had plans to visit Paris three months later, so it was a good time to get acquainted with the site; not for accommodations, since I already was arranging them through Airbnb, but I didn’t have many friends there, and this sounded like a good way to meet people. It proved so.
Once in Paris, I became in touch with several people who, like me, were visiting from other countries. There was an “international breakfast” event every other Sunday morning at a gentleman’s house, Damian, that had been running for several years and did for years after, (I am not sure if it is still going on). Damian was a quadriplegic who was able to interact himself only a little, but you could see that he basked in the excited community spirit that permeated throughout his entire home.
I met people who cooked very strange and very delicious food. I, visiting from Texas, made sunny side up eggs and a rushed version of pancakes, but there was food to spare.
I made several friends there, including a Chinese woman who lived in France with whom I traveled the next year to the South of France. My trip with her is another story in itself. And through her, I made yet other friends.
That was only the beginning.
Once I returned to Texas, I started hosting. My very first guest was someone from New York, a teacher visiting the Big Bend. Then two French guys who were traveling in a really ugly car that looked like it was going to leave them stranded in the next town. They had a camera fitted to the roof of the car and took tons of footage of their cross-country trip. I am still friends with Guilleame and Julien, and what’s even better, the evening they were over, we had a dinner and invited a friend who also was hosting someone, plus she brought other friends.
This was the most fun evening I had in that apartment, ever. A Muslim, a Christian, an Atheist, — and the rest who knows what, but we absolutely loved being together. And of course, we did talk about religion and philosophy, resolving that there was nothing better in the world than what we were experiencing that night, namely the coming together of hearts, where the egos are checked at the door with their agendas and ideas.
The French guys cooked dinner, — so you can imagine the result, plus of course there was wine, and we played games. We still talk about that night.
I sent them the next day with fresh bread and a whole batch of pancakes for the way. Their car didn’t quite break down; they sold it for little in Florida.
Then Santa Fe. Santa Fe stands alone in her own category. It is magical; the air, the night and her sounds are deeper, more mystical. Santa Fe brings something alive in you that may only stir in Santa Fe; I can’t be sure, but it feels that way.
There we couch surfed with the best host ever, a grad student, writer and more of a philosopher than he may have known. He also had awesome friends with whom we had interesting, animated conversations over margaritas I made for everybody. We talked about philosophy, the Montessori education system, and I became sold on it.
Many of these people are currently my good friends, some spanning years.
Then Albuquerque. This awesome lady, now a dear friend, had just signed up on couch surfing, and I was lucky enough to get in touch with her because even though she already had guests, she has a huge, huge heart. She didn’t turn me away, she told me to hurry up and get myself over there. It was music to my ears.
After I excitedly hurried to finish my school work, I drove by myself the four hours from Amarillo to attend the Balloon Fiesta event and the week-end that the amazing couch surfing community of Albuquerque always lines up for that week-end.
There were at least three people that I met that went from NYC; two drove, and one flew. One amazing girl from Germany, another from the mid-west, young but full of experience and know-how, another from OK, a real globe trotter, plus my new couch surfing friend and her family… wow… this was a party!!
Oh the juicy talks!! We wished we didn’t have to sleep!!
Early morning to the amazing balloons, an afternoon of cooking chili for everyone in the evening and the next day the most amazing hike of my life at the Tent Rock National Monument… stunning; unforgettable. Then the evening dinner together (from the photo on top), before parting.
New York 2016: No one understood the need for meeting people that we had, but I knew that we would be connected with the right people. I planned to bring my two daughters to visit NYC, but not just to see the sights, I was planning the trip as a reconnaissance trip, to return with my things and live here.
I had to know what kind of people lived here and how open they were to someone starting life from scratch in the middle of her days. Finding “a couch” in NYC is not easy, and I worked very hard at it; giving up was not an option.
It was not easy to navigate the city’s train system with our heavy luggage going from place to place, it tested our strength, stamina and character. (They were heavy). But it was all worth it. (Everything in life that we put effort towards is worth it. Even if things don’t go according to our original wishes, we have much to learn from an effortful experience.)
As it turned out, we did return to live here six months later, — this year in June, and some of our best friends here are people we met through couch surfing, three of whom we have had as guests in our new place. A delight.
People fail to understand couch surfing entirely if they see it as a cheap way to travel, or bored people giving you a place to “crash”. It is not that, in fact, many make it clear in their profiles, that they expect that their guests will be engaging people. That’s fine by me; I am engaging by nature, and seek people who are the same.
I see them as long-time friends, and I usually am right. My last experience is recent, in Albany, and I look forward to our future friendship.
Arlington, TX also had a life friend I had to meet. It is hard to imagine that I met my dear friend Lynda through couch surfing, just two years ago. And on and on and on and on… I cannot imagine my life without these people in it.
Whatever the path, when couch surfers meet, it is an enriching event and the atmosphere is vibrant.
Couch surfing is not for everybody. It is for people with open hearts and an adventurous spirit who are able to trust others. The less free thinkers say, “how can you have a stranger in the house?”, and it is funny because it is usually them who take the words of Jesus who said “I was a stranger and you took me in”, but whatever. Some of these people may or may not read the Bible, but the important thing is that they follow the good bits from it.
There are no strangers in the world; only friends we have not met, even if they are wearing a hundred masks. (With the exception of pathological cases).
Before I finish, in order to be fully honest, I must mention briefly one negative episode that occurred in Paris with one individual. I “saw it coming” and I should have acted sooner than I did. This man was going to show me interesting places around the city, and after that, he was going to make dinner for us in his apartment. (Red flag! Red flag! Run away!).
The tour was fine, but he kept expecting me to hold his hand and kiss him, and seemed confused that I didn’t care to. It was my failure to not thank him politely and go home. I learned a hard lesson and escaped harrowingly from what would have been a traumatic experience.
My weakness that day was that I didn’t want to make a moment awkward, and instead compromised my safety, but sometimes we have allow awkward moments so we don’t regret something later.
(The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker addresses this tendency we have, to be overly polite to people who are real threats. We must be careful wherever we are, at all times.)
But back to the joyful thought of Couch Surfing and my Gratitude for it
Thank you Couch Surfing! For Being an Awesome Community!
I could not mention each wonderful experience; there are too many for one article. ❤
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